A Sister's Pain
by Sefilin
Summary: Hokuto finds the time to think and plan after Seishirou's betrayal.


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A Sister's Pain  
A Tokyo Babylon one-shot Fic  
By Sefilin  
  
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It was night time and the overcast skies above Tokyo were   
glowing orange, sending a dim light into a small apartment where   
Sumeragi Subaru lay sleeping restlessly. The orange light touched   
his skin making it seem more sallow than ever, making him look as   
bad as Hokuto knew he felt. She stood looking down at him and   
sighed softly, pain filling her eyes. She brushed Subaru's bangs   
off his flushed face and ran her finger gently down his cheek.   
Subaru groaned quietly, his face contracting in pain and he curled   
reflexively into a foetal position.  
Hokuto knelt and placed her arms around her brother,   
cradling him to her, tears gathering in her eyes.  
"Subaru... oh Subaru, I'm so sorry. So sorry." She   
whispered quietly into his ear, her tears sliding silently down   
her face and mingling with the already damp strands of Subaru's   
dark hair.  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let Sei-ch... Seishirou into   
your life. I shouldn't have kept pushing you together...   
Subaru... It was my job to protect you, my brother, and I failed."   
Hokuto quickly broke off and choked back a sob.  
"Subaru..." She laid her head against Subaru's pillow and   
let the tears fall as she watched over her brother.  
"Seishi... rou-san... " Subaru whispered fitfully his eyes   
flickering beneath their lids. He tried to turn his head to the   
side and Hokuto moved so he could. She hated seeing her brother   
like this. Hated it, *hated* it. She closed her eyes and drew in   
a deep breath to stop herself from screaming.   
Somehow, someway, she had to make it up to him. It was all   
her fault. She had to do something. Her heart felt like it   
wanted to explode in anger, in *pain*, the emotions roiling within   
her, threatening to destroy her as they had her brother.   
There would be no peace, not when her brother was hurting so   
much and Sakurazukamori was out there somewhere probably planning   
on when to kill her Subaru. She couldn't let that happen. Subaru   
deserved to live. He was the best person she knew and he   
*wouldn't* die. Hokuto lay on the hardwood floor and curled   
herself into a ball.   
"He will not die." Hokuto whispered fiercely and   
reluctantly allowed sleep to claim her, the smothering darkness   
washing over her in waves, choking her and forcing her into a   
void.  
  
Rain thundering against the windows woke her the next   
morning and she rolled onto her back and stretched as much as she   
could. Pushing herself into a sitting position she watched   
streaks of colourless rain running down the glass, obscuring the   
grey city outside. Kneeling she turned to the bed and moved her   
eyes to Subaru's face. He was lying, unmoving, staring at the   
ceiling. His green eyes, darker now than they had been, were   
blank, seeing nothing.  
Hokuto knew he was trying to shut himself off from the   
world, trying to stop the pain of betrayal. His bandaged arm lay   
limp against the stark white sheet, a finger occasionally   
twitching.   
Hokuto bent over Subaru and kissed him lightly on the brow,   
"Hello, Subaru."  
There was no answer and Hokuto sighed as she stood.   
Closing the door of Subaru's apartment she walked across the   
hall to her own and let herself in. Shutting the door with a   
click she locked the door and went into the bathroom.   
Salty tears joined the warm water that fell around her and   
she stood in the shower for long minutes trying not to think. She   
remembered a conversation she had had with Subaru in a past life.  
"Subaru," she had said softly, "please, stop trying to be   
sorry for others. If you do, you can't be sorry for yourself. The   
point of living is not living it for others; you live it for   
yourself. Stop trying to swallow the tears of others, Subaru. Or   
you won't have room for your own."  
She wished she had been wrong, she wished so much that she   
could go back and cry all those tears for him so he could have   
some now. Subaru.   
  
Hokuto moved back across to Subaru's apartment and went into   
his room. He hadn't moved. She coaxed him into getting out of   
bed, and taking a change of clothing she had pulled from his   
closet, guided him gently across the floor to the bathroom.   
Turning on the shower faucet she waited until the water was warm   
enough and began unbuttoning his shirt.  
"Subaru, you have to have a shower okay?"  
Subaru said nothing.  
"Come on Subaru, please. Have a shower and get dressed then   
come out to the kitchen for breakfast, okay?" She waved her hand   
in front of his eyes, "Subaru?"  
His eyes regained some of their focus and he nodded briefly   
his hands going to his pyjama pants. Hokuto turned and shut the   
door behind her. She leant her head briefly against the wood.  
"Get better, Subaru, please get better."  
Straightening, Hokuto went into the kitchen and scooped some   
rice into a bowl. She put it in the microwave and turned away to   
watch the rain once more, listening to it's gentle cadence mixing   
with the harsher sound of the shower on the other side of the   
wall.  
By the time Subaru appeared in his bedroom door, Hokuto had   
breakfast sitting ready on the table. She gestured Subaru across   
and he moved apathetically towards the table. He folded himself   
into a chair and Hokuto set a bowl before him. She handed him   
some chopsticks and watched to make sure he ate.   
Once breakfast was over, Hokuto guided Subaru to the chair   
in his bedroom where he had been sitting for the past two days,   
his back to the window.  
Hokuto cleaned up and sat at the table again. She rested   
her arms across its surface and rested her head on it. The   
ticking of the clock was loud and reverberated through her body,   
sounding out two words over and over. Now what... tick... tock...   
Now what...  
She drew in a deep breath and let it out in a rush, slumping   
even further into the chair. It was a relevant question.   
"Now what?"  
Sakurazukamori was going to try to kill her brother and she   
couldn't let that happen. How was she going to make sure it   
didn't? She drew in another breath, letting out slowly this time.  
Sakurazukamori... Subaru... Sakurazukamori... Subaru....  
"How?"  
Hokuto lifted her head and wearily hoisted herself to her   
feet. She wished there was something she could do with her   
fingers while she was thinking, but the only thing she could think   
of to do was sew. But the thought of the half-finished outfits   
sitting in her apartment was not appealing. They belonged to a   
different life, a different person. They belonged to the Hokuto   
who had existed three days ago. *Three days*. It seemed like a   
lifetime and Hokuto reflected on the few seconds that it took to   
destroy a life. So long to build them, and one single moment to   
bring it all tumbling down. Maybe Sakurazukamori had the right of   
it, not letting yourself care about anything enough that it could   
destroy you. And yet there was so much of life that was worth   
*living*. And Hokuto knew Sakurazukamori did not *live*, he   
merely existed.  
She walked around the apartment, picking up a magazine that   
was lying on the coffee table and arranging it neatly with the   
others in a wire rack. She found a cloth and dusted all the flat   
surfaces she could find then went to check on Subaru.  
She panicked when she didn't see him and looked around   
wildly. Her heart began to return to normal when she saw Subaru   
standing out on the balcony. Sighing in worried exasperation she   
noted the still-open door and spreading pool of water drifting   
across the floor.   
"Subaru! Come inside. You're getting everything wet."  
Subaru looked back over his shoulder and Hokuto gasped at   
what she saw in his eyes.  
"Hokuto-chan." His voice was hoarse from lack of use. "Why   
did this happen?" He sounded infinitely bewildered. "Why   
couldn't he love me?" He stared into her eyes, so similar to   
hers, and she saw an ocean of pain. "Why couldn't he love me?"   
Subaru whispered again then trailed off, turning back to look out   
over the city, ignoring the rain.   
Hokuto let out the breath she had been holding and held back   
the tears that threatened, again, to fall. She put her arms   
around Subaru and leant her head on his shoulder blade, the wet   
material of his shirt clinging to her cheek.  
"I don't know, Subaru, I just don't know. I don't think he   
was capable of loving anyone."  
"Then why... why did I fall in love with him?" His voice   
was broken.  
"Subaru. Subaru, I'm sorry... I'm sorry." There was   
nothing else she could say.  
  
Hokuto sat cross legged on Subaru's bed trying to read   
without much success. She flipped over another page and realised   
she hadn't taken in a word. With an irritated scowl she closed   
the book and flung it onto another part of the bed. She couldn't   
concentrate on anything, not when she still didn't know what to   
do. She leaned back against the wall and let her eyes drift shut,   
listening to Subaru's quiet breathing from the chair. His eyes   
had gone back to being blank and the emptiness she saw there was   
frightening. It was so different to what she was used to. And   
now she knew that the wall that held back the pain and despair was   
so fragile. She was terrified that he would do Sakurazukamori's   
job for him. Terrified that the betrayal would be too much for   
him to handle and he would take another walk onto, then off the   
balcony.   
Hokuto opened her eyes as though she thought Subaru was now   
getting up to do just that. But he was still sitting stationary   
in the chair. Hokuto moved her head to look around Subaru's room   
and her eyes lit on his desk. Catching sight of a photograph that   
sat there, Hokuto threw herself off the bed and snatched it up.   
It was a picture of Subaru and her at age seven when they still   
wore identical clothing. A slow smile appeared on Hokuto's face.   
Identical clothing. Now she had a way to save Subaru.   
A tear fell onto the picture and Hokuto almost laughed. She   
didn't though, knowing that it would be hysteria and was   
dangerous. If she began laughing she knew she wouldn't be able to   
stop for a long time. So she took a few deep breaths until the   
urge passed.   
Looking over at Subaru she smiled a watery smile and   
whispered, "Everything's going to be fine now, Subaru. Just   
fine."  
  
That evening, Hokuto left Subaru's apartment taking with her   
his shikifuku, packing it carefully and heading for Ueno park and   
the Cherry tree that she knew Sakurazukamori would guard.   
  
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Subaru stared at the ceiling, seeing things no one else   
could see. A flash of gold in smiling brown eyes cold enough to   
freeze. Subaru was thankful for the numbing properties of that   
gaze as Seishirou's words began their merciless dissection of his   
heart. And all the time he watched the man's eyes.  
Warm and laughing with him, light glinting off the glasses   
that covered them. And again, watching him with an intensity he   
hadn't understiid, hadn't wanted to understand... the feelings it   
evoked were too strong, too frightening for him to face. And   
again, laughing again, smiling, cute and then cold, cruel,   
indifferent. Seishirou-san's eyes were no longer his, they were   
Sakurazukamori's, then they were Seishirou-san's again. Cold,   
warm, cold, warm and in the background words that turned his life,   
which had been a dream, into a nightmare.  
Then something sliced through everything, cutting straight   
to Subaru's frozen heart.  
"Subaru! Su... ba... ru..."  
His eyes widening in shock, Subaru saw something new. It   
was an image of Hokuto falling... falling and there behind her was   
the assassin Sakurazukamori, still smiling that same smile.   
Feeling Subaru's mental presence, Sakurazukamori lifted Hokuto   
into his arms, blood soaking into his clothes and dripping onto   
his trousers. He held her body out towards Subaru and let her   
dissolve into Sakura petals, binding her soul to his cherry tree.  
"Hokuto-chan!" Subaru's voice cracked as he stretched his   
vocal chords in horror. Throwing himself out of the bed and   
towards the vision, he yelled again.  
"Hokuto-chan... Hokuto-chan..."  
The image faded and Subaru found himself stretching towards   
the window, and beyond that, to Ueno Park. Subaru fell to his   
knees, not noticing his grandmother on the floor next to him, her   
arms holding him desperately, and whispered.  
"...Hokuto-chan..."  
  
===Owari===  
  
http:www.geocities.com/sefilin/index.html  
sefilin@yahoo.com   



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